You are the parent of an average scoring child, one that is more of an athlete, and has okay results at school. One day, your child comes home with another mediocre report card. Seeing this report card, you find yourself frustrated. “Why can’t my child do better?”, you think. This sudden anger motivated you to send your child to tutoring classes to boost her grades. Day after day, your child is tutored in many subjects, and you see her grades slowly improve. Thinking that tutoring is helping, you continue to send her to this tutor. However, you don’t know the full story. Are there implications for your child as she continues to grow up and mature, more important than just grades on a report card?
For schools and communities around the world, tutoring is a big issue. Industry reports show that at least 5 billion dollars are spent on tutoring classes every year. In addition, in a survey of 35 eighth grade students in Singapore, 80% of them attend tutoring classes outside of school. These statistics are especially relevant because they show that tutoring is a relatable topic for many people around the world, one that many have opinions about. On one hand, some say that tutoring helps children gain a deeper understanding of subjects taught in school, and even get ahead of the school curriculum. These people also argue that tutoring can help build confidence, and ensure success. Although this may be true, myself and others argue that although tutoring reaps benefits in the short term, in the long term, students become overly dependent on a tutor, are too focused on a grade, and lose time which could be used to develop other passions at a young age.
Firstly, attending private tutoring classes creates dependency on a tutor, which translates into a lack of problem-solving skills in the future. One example of this comes from an inter-school survey of 26 students conducted at the United World College East Campus in Singapore. Seventy percent of these students go to a tutor more frequently when they have a test coming up. This points to how students are dependent on tutors to achieve the results they want. These children are accustomed to tutors supplying them with the information to achieve high results, and by contrast do not develop problem-solving skills if they were to try and understand something themselves.
In addition, Dr. Hirsh-Pasek, a professor of psychology at Temple University, Philadelphia provides another perspective. “Enrichment tutoring may be never ending ; for instance, if your child needed help to pass a gifted test, she is likely to require help to do well in her advanced classes.” (Paton) At the college level and beyond, there is less of this support, and when children are accustomed to it at a young age, they may struggle without it. By learning to solve problems without the help of someone by their side, students develop resiliency that allows them to overcome problems later on in life.
This experience of self-teaching not only makes students less dependent on a tutor, but develops many skills that are useful in the future. Although this experience is harder, it has been proven that the process of trying to grasp a concept is invaluable to a child’s future. Osama Sajid, an undergraduate student in 2013, and writer for the Express Tribune, commented, “I do understand that such measures of self-study are difficult and students can easily get confused – or worse, distracted. There were instances when even I became unsure of whether I was on the right track or not, but this where my true learning took place.” (Sajid) This resilience developed from a young age is essential in many facets of life even outside of studying, because we all deal with adversity at some point. Inside the classroom, students are able to work hard to understand something they necessarily don’t, and outside, this could translate into knowing how to work through a problem with parents, or with friends. When handed the facts for every test, students do not learn how to face challenges that come up in their lives, including in the classroom, and feel dependent on a tutor.
On the other hand, however, many argue that without tutoring, children may not learn the concepts as well, therefore not developing a strong foundation for further learning in other grades. These critics argue that self-teaching a topic is not as beneficial as tutoring may be. This is sometimes true, however what many do not realize is that self-teaching can be a starting point, from which a child can branch off and do one-to-one tutoring if necessary. By attempting to learn something themselves, students know how to be resilient and deal with adversity, equipping them to deal with problems in the future.
In addition to increasing dependency on a tutor, having tutoring as an option can make students overly focused on a grade and lack passion for a topic. Further data from the survey conducted at UWCSEA revealed that 42% of students go to tutors to get the grade that they want. This number is relatively small, in comparison to the other reasons why people are tutored. However, with tutoring, students feel pressure to get a grade, and lose sight of actually learning a concept. A student, Ishaan Singh, describes Divesh tutoring in Singapore, “[having] challenge problems for levels 6 and 7” and “[having] previous tests”. These challenge problems are commonalities within tutoring centers that may make students very focused on just the grade, not the process of learning to achieve the grade. As a student myself, I know that when studying in this manner, simply with the grade in mind, you do lose sight of your actual goal: to learn. Ishaan provided further insight into this topic, commenting, “Self-teaching allows you to understand something, and then by result you will get the grade. With a tutoring center, there is more of a focus on the grade itself.” When using sites such as Khan Academy and other possible resources, students are less likely to feel so connected to a grade. These children may see the grade as a reward for taking time to learn and understand a concept deeply.
By limiting the emphasis on a grade, students also develop passion, curiosity and a love for learning. As Ng Chee Meng, the Singapore Education Minister commented, "We want to cultivate a generation of young people who grow up with a sense of curiosity and a love for learning... asking both the 'whys' and the 'why nots'." (Teng) By learning on their own, students are given a chance to explore, which helps them develop a passion for learning. By flipping through a book, there is a much higher chance that students feel more engaged and enjoy what they are learning. A love for a topic combined with curiosity is a deadly combination that can result in innovation and eventually enable children to make a difference in the world. Without this, children may find that they struggle to dive deeper, understand concepts and feel motivated.
By contrast, many argue that people of this generation have to be focused on grades, claiming that these results are what will ensure success in college and careers. Although this is true, as parents, we must remember the long-term consequences of our actions. What will these tutored children do when there is no grade? When constantly handed facts in a tutoring center, students are not necessarily able to follow their passion, which enables them be analytical in the future when their work may not be so straightforward.
In addition, tutoring is very time-consuming, and this takes away time that can be used to develop other talents. Initially, it seems that the tutoring is only 2 or 3 hours a week, leaving plenty of time to develop other talents outside of academics. However, according to many communities around the world, this is not true. A large majority of tutoring centers give homework. When asked about tuition homework, Adhvay Krishnan, a student at UWCSEA East, said, “Kumon gave 7 booklets for 7 days of the week. Each booklet was 4 pages.” When asked about homework at other tutoring centers, Adhvay replied, saying it is “Usually more”. In addition, only 40% of students at UWCSEA fully enjoy tutoring classes. Taken as a whole, this evidence suggests that a majority of students are spending large amounts of time that they do not enjoy on tuition classes, up to 5 or 6 hours a week. At such a young age, shouldn't they be using this time to develop other passions? When the children of this generation have the task of juggling a job and a family, they will have much less time to develop other skills. Shouldn’t we give them this chance now?
Similarly, Ng Chee Meng, Singapore Education Minister, also seems to agree. “Let's help our children make good use of their time to branch out to explore other interests and passions and to pursue what they want to do in life.” (Teng) These passions developed outside of the classroom are essential to a child’s developmental well-being as they continue to grow up and mature. When playing an instrument or a sport, for example, skills such as collaboration and creativity are developed, which are not necessarily developed in the classroom learning environment. When participating in these activities, students are able to develop as a full person, rather than just academically.
On the other hand, however, many feel that learning something on your own is more time-consuming than tutoring is. When someone is teaching you information, many agree that it is much faster than reading a book, or looking at a website. It is true that this “self-teaching” method will take more time, but there is a hidden, yet powerful advantage to self-teaching - students may enjoy it more. As mentioned before, with this sense of curiosity, there is an increased chance students are more engaged. This time spent is then well enjoyed, as opposed to when it may not be with tutoring.
All in all, tutoring is a highly debatable issue, one that strikes a chord for many people around the world. Although tutoring can be very beneficial to many people, tutoring results in long-term implications of dependency, limited time to develop other talents, and an overemphasis on grades.
As a parent, one possible step is to assess the impact of tutoring on your child, as we are all different. If it is negative, possible steps would be to only using these classes sparingly or use tutoring as a back-up. Also, students may use sites such as Khan Academy, or check out any resources from the local library to clear up any confusion. This initiative will help to develop problem-solving skills and fuel passion and curiosity that is useful later in life.
Works Cited
Krishnan, Adhvay. "Tutoring - Your Example." Telephone interview. 1 June 2016.
Paton, Graeme. "After-school Tutoring 'is like Child Abuse', Says Top Head." The Telegraph. Telegraph Media Group, 27 Dec. 2014. Web. 12 June 2016.
Sajid, Osama. "8 Hours of School and Then Tuition: Is Your Child Learning Anything?" The Express Tribune Blog RSS. N.p., 29 Oct. 2013. Web. 12 June 2016.
Singh, Ishaan. "Tutoring - Your Experience." Telephone interview. 28 May 2016.
Teng, Amelia, and Calvin Yang. "Going beyond Grades: Evolving the Singapore Education System." The Straits Times. The Straits Times, 16 Apr. 2016. Web. 12 June 2016.
Showing posts with label Om. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Om. Show all posts
Monday, June 13, 2016
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Dealing With Stress - Advice From Blue Gold and The Help
In today’s world, people are faced with high amounts of stress and frequently feel burdened. From parents to children, young to old, individuals are often worried and feel pressure in day to day activities. Sometimes, this anger can be controlled, however at times it all becomes too much. The books “The Help” by Kathryn Stockett and “Blue Gold” by Elizabeth Stewart both portray characters that are heavily burdened and are the subject of a lot of bottled up stress and anger. In “Blue Gold”, Sylvie lives in fear of the conflict around her, and at the same time tries to support her family. Similarly, in “The Help”, Minny has to support her family, manage a job, and try to resolve conflict between her employer and an enemy. These authors provide variations of a similar idea, that expressing our feelings with others close to us to ensures people do not reach a tipping point where this stress turns into misdirected anger.
When describing Sylvie’s mother in “Blue Gold”, Elizabeth Stewart shows that unnecessary anger is the result of not sharing feelings with family. To give context, the mother lives with high amounts of stress, due to the loss of her husband. She finds herself trying to manage her household, with 4 children, and lives in fear of a war happening nearby. Stewart describes her hair as “sprung in clumps all over her head, as chaotic as the brain inside.” The conclusion can be drawn that the mother is trying to cope with the pressures of her life. The constant worries have translated into chaos in her head, which is not beneficial to her wellbeing. This large amount of anxiety translates into her being “only half with the children”, as Sylvie describes her.
Consequently, this high amount of stress then transforms into misdirected anger with family. This was evident when Sylvie suggests that they move to Canada, which has been a hope of hers for years. After innocently asking her mother, the mother cried out in response saying, “Who will help me with the children, unh?” She also “[struck] Sylvie hard across the cheek.” Some people may interpret this to be a result of Sylvie’s unique suggestion to move to Canada. On the contrary, it clearly seems that the mother is trying to cope, Stewart describing her as “Tears of ... helplessness rolled down her cheeks,” just before the slap. These pieces of evidence are significant because they illustrate the misdirected anger caused by the mother’s struggle to cope with her problems. The mother is helpless, and without knowing it, becomes overly irate. Having raised Sylvie from birth, the mother obviously has high amounts of love for her children. However, these high amounts of stress resulted in unintentional anger towards Sylvie.
Later on, Stewart shows the reader how it is essential to share our feelings and emotions with others, to prevent this anger. On a day after dinner with her family, the mother suddenly starts to cry, her “Thin shoulders heaving deep waves of pain … all of the pain of the last five years.” This crying then leads to a hug between the family members. Stewart describes the mother, “stiffen, then gradually relax.” Sylvie also thinks, “Talking about it makes it better.” These pieces of description show that when talking with her family, the mother is able to lean on others for support, and become the person that she usually is. The misdirected anger can be detrimental to relationships between family members and does not lift a burden from the mother. By expressing her feelings with others, Sylvie’s mother has lower amounts of stress and less anger when trying to cope with the stresses of her life.
A similar variation of the idea is evident in the “Help”, by Kathryn Stockett. Similar to Blue Gold, Stockett describes a heavily burdened character. However, Stockett deepens the understanding of the theme by describing a tipping point, a point when the anger becomes too much. Minny, a character in the “Help”, has many stressors in her life. She is a full time nanny, and the mother of 3 children. The frequent occurrence of problems is illustrated when Minny’s problems are described as, “Kindra and her mouth, Benny and his asthma, my husband Leroy coming home drunk 2 times a week.” Minny also thinks to herself, “When am I going to clean my own house? Wash my own kids’ clothes?” These snippets from “The Help” demonstrate that Minny has a lot to deal with in her life. These large strains on Minny may result in lack of mindfulness and attention to detail, which then can lead to a chain of more problems.
At first, Minny tries to cope with the demanding strains of her life by herself and with the help of God. Stewart describes her as “praying to the Lord and the devil” to try and cope with her pain. Like all of us, Minny tries to manage on her own.
Later on in the book, however, Minny is fired from her job, resulting in large amounts of anxiety for Minny. Unlike Sylvie’s mother, Minny is aware of how it is all too much for her to handle. She comments to her children, “Mama need to be with somebody not pulling on her for five minutes.” Instead of trying to deal with it herself, Minny realises that she has become overly stressed, reached this tipping point, and she needs someone to talk to. When going over to Aibileen, her friend’s house, Minny shares her feelings about losing her job. Aibileen comforts her, calmly telling her, “I’m sorry, honey … So what if she takes a nip or two to get through the day? Go talk to her Monday.” These words from a friend can comfort Minny, and make her realise that everything will be fine in the end. The gesture of Aibileen helping her shines light on a different perspective to her problem, one that she may have not considered before. This evokes calm, as opposed to the anger that comes from not sharing feelings. Minny talking to Aibileen shows that family does not have to be the only people we talk to. This contrasts to Blue Gold, where Sylvie’s mother talks with her family.
When describing Minny, Stockett illustrates to the reader when this tipping point is, and how it is essential for someone to relieve their stress before this crucial moment. In Blue Gold, the idea can be applied - Sylvie’s mother passed this critical moment, and this resulted in anger. She had so much chaos in her head, and stress on her shoulders, that she had to express her feelings. Although there is a difference in the way the characters act - the message is still the same. Throughout both of the books, the authors demonstrate that we need to share our feelings with family members to relieve our burden and stop this unnecessary anger.
This same idea can be applied in the daily lives of people in the 21st century. As the world continues to become very fast paced, we realise that we become increasingly stressed. We have to be aware of this tipping point for ourselves, and make sure that we do not pass it. What is critical to realise is that we all have different points where everything becomes too much. We must be aware of ourselves and our own limits, in turn maximising happiness and reducing anger.
On the contrary, some argue that expressing feelings with others creates greater dependability. Although we do sometimes become dependent on others, what critics fail to realise is that by talking about our feelings with others, we also strengthen a bond between people. Our friends and family feel entrusted with information that makes us vulnerable, and have a responsibility to help. This strong connection with people close to us outweighs the small amount of dependability that we may feel when talking to others.
Through these two award winning novels, sharing feelings is a proven way to cope with stress, however you may find other effective solutions. Remember that we are all unique people with unique needs, and maybe sharing feelings with others does not help as much. Other strategies may be writing down feelings and playing sports.
When describing Sylvie’s mother in “Blue Gold”, Elizabeth Stewart shows that unnecessary anger is the result of not sharing feelings with family. To give context, the mother lives with high amounts of stress, due to the loss of her husband. She finds herself trying to manage her household, with 4 children, and lives in fear of a war happening nearby. Stewart describes her hair as “sprung in clumps all over her head, as chaotic as the brain inside.” The conclusion can be drawn that the mother is trying to cope with the pressures of her life. The constant worries have translated into chaos in her head, which is not beneficial to her wellbeing. This large amount of anxiety translates into her being “only half with the children”, as Sylvie describes her.
Consequently, this high amount of stress then transforms into misdirected anger with family. This was evident when Sylvie suggests that they move to Canada, which has been a hope of hers for years. After innocently asking her mother, the mother cried out in response saying, “Who will help me with the children, unh?” She also “[struck] Sylvie hard across the cheek.” Some people may interpret this to be a result of Sylvie’s unique suggestion to move to Canada. On the contrary, it clearly seems that the mother is trying to cope, Stewart describing her as “Tears of ... helplessness rolled down her cheeks,” just before the slap. These pieces of evidence are significant because they illustrate the misdirected anger caused by the mother’s struggle to cope with her problems. The mother is helpless, and without knowing it, becomes overly irate. Having raised Sylvie from birth, the mother obviously has high amounts of love for her children. However, these high amounts of stress resulted in unintentional anger towards Sylvie.
Later on, Stewart shows the reader how it is essential to share our feelings and emotions with others, to prevent this anger. On a day after dinner with her family, the mother suddenly starts to cry, her “Thin shoulders heaving deep waves of pain … all of the pain of the last five years.” This crying then leads to a hug between the family members. Stewart describes the mother, “stiffen, then gradually relax.” Sylvie also thinks, “Talking about it makes it better.” These pieces of description show that when talking with her family, the mother is able to lean on others for support, and become the person that she usually is. The misdirected anger can be detrimental to relationships between family members and does not lift a burden from the mother. By expressing her feelings with others, Sylvie’s mother has lower amounts of stress and less anger when trying to cope with the stresses of her life.
A similar variation of the idea is evident in the “Help”, by Kathryn Stockett. Similar to Blue Gold, Stockett describes a heavily burdened character. However, Stockett deepens the understanding of the theme by describing a tipping point, a point when the anger becomes too much. Minny, a character in the “Help”, has many stressors in her life. She is a full time nanny, and the mother of 3 children. The frequent occurrence of problems is illustrated when Minny’s problems are described as, “Kindra and her mouth, Benny and his asthma, my husband Leroy coming home drunk 2 times a week.” Minny also thinks to herself, “When am I going to clean my own house? Wash my own kids’ clothes?” These snippets from “The Help” demonstrate that Minny has a lot to deal with in her life. These large strains on Minny may result in lack of mindfulness and attention to detail, which then can lead to a chain of more problems.
At first, Minny tries to cope with the demanding strains of her life by herself and with the help of God. Stewart describes her as “praying to the Lord and the devil” to try and cope with her pain. Like all of us, Minny tries to manage on her own.
Later on in the book, however, Minny is fired from her job, resulting in large amounts of anxiety for Minny. Unlike Sylvie’s mother, Minny is aware of how it is all too much for her to handle. She comments to her children, “Mama need to be with somebody not pulling on her for five minutes.” Instead of trying to deal with it herself, Minny realises that she has become overly stressed, reached this tipping point, and she needs someone to talk to. When going over to Aibileen, her friend’s house, Minny shares her feelings about losing her job. Aibileen comforts her, calmly telling her, “I’m sorry, honey … So what if she takes a nip or two to get through the day? Go talk to her Monday.” These words from a friend can comfort Minny, and make her realise that everything will be fine in the end. The gesture of Aibileen helping her shines light on a different perspective to her problem, one that she may have not considered before. This evokes calm, as opposed to the anger that comes from not sharing feelings. Minny talking to Aibileen shows that family does not have to be the only people we talk to. This contrasts to Blue Gold, where Sylvie’s mother talks with her family.
When describing Minny, Stockett illustrates to the reader when this tipping point is, and how it is essential for someone to relieve their stress before this crucial moment. In Blue Gold, the idea can be applied - Sylvie’s mother passed this critical moment, and this resulted in anger. She had so much chaos in her head, and stress on her shoulders, that she had to express her feelings. Although there is a difference in the way the characters act - the message is still the same. Throughout both of the books, the authors demonstrate that we need to share our feelings with family members to relieve our burden and stop this unnecessary anger.
This same idea can be applied in the daily lives of people in the 21st century. As the world continues to become very fast paced, we realise that we become increasingly stressed. We have to be aware of this tipping point for ourselves, and make sure that we do not pass it. What is critical to realise is that we all have different points where everything becomes too much. We must be aware of ourselves and our own limits, in turn maximising happiness and reducing anger.
On the contrary, some argue that expressing feelings with others creates greater dependability. Although we do sometimes become dependent on others, what critics fail to realise is that by talking about our feelings with others, we also strengthen a bond between people. Our friends and family feel entrusted with information that makes us vulnerable, and have a responsibility to help. This strong connection with people close to us outweighs the small amount of dependability that we may feel when talking to others.
Through these two award winning novels, sharing feelings is a proven way to cope with stress, however you may find other effective solutions. Remember that we are all unique people with unique needs, and maybe sharing feelings with others does not help as much. Other strategies may be writing down feelings and playing sports.
Sunday, December 6, 2015
Learning to Accept Hard Work
The tennis player collapsed with resignation on the chair, and started to glance around the empty, silent, locker room. His laboured breathing echoed, so far that it seemed to be heard from the tennis courts upstairs. His eyes showed sadness, a sense of utter disbelief at what had just happened. Suddenly, as if realising the SAT was the next day, he dropped his head into his hands, sobbing uncontrollably. Just when there was a hint of pause between his desperate gulps for air, the crying started again, faster and more furious. Like a train coming to a halt, in one swift motion, the crying ceased, and he stormed out the door.
Yes. This boy just lost the biggest tennis match of his life.
In life, we all deal with failures. When we do, we start to realise that we have two main options when dealing with failure. Firstly, we can blame lack of hard work and lack of time and energy put in striving for the result. The flip side of this would be feeling good that you tried, thinking the outcome was inevitable. Just as the tennis player sat in confusion in the locker room, we all seem to have a similar epiphany. As a community, we all deal with failure at some point, however, there is a fine line between whether we should be happy with our hard work, or feel that the result is due to lack of hard work.
Our community as a whole makes it clear that we have one main belief when it comes to the topic- that hard work should be the backbone of all of our successes, and when we fail, it is due to lack of hard work. One example of this comes from a school survey that was conducted. When given 2 scenarios of failure, both in sports and at school, 87% of the time international school students would not have been satisfied with how hard they tried, instead believing that lack of enough hard work was all to blame. In addition, when talking to Aryan Bhargava, a student at United World College who has dealt with failure, he commented, “Hard work takes you to where you need.” When asked if there should be a mix between these two concepts of hard work and being happy that you tried, he responded, saying, “I don’t think so. You really do have to work for it.” Underlying these words is the belief that hard work is the only option. The belief that success stems from only hard work in general. We seem to think that we are machines. That the amount of hard work is proportional to our successes.
On the other hand, the lack of feeling empathetic for ourselves does not take away from the need for it. Peter Bregman, an award winning author for the Harvard Business Review, used his daughter’s experience to show that we need to be empathetic for ourselves. After coming home from a swimming race in which she was disqualified from, Bregman talks about how Mimi sobbed for hours on end, unable to be comforted by her parents. Bregman later described how only the grandmother was able to comfort her by showing empathy, telling her that in the end failing may have been inevitable. At the end of the article, Bregman concluded by saying, “The learning, the avoidance of future failures - only comes when they feel okay with failing. And that feeling comes from empathy.”
This offers evidence that we are not machines. Our hard work is usually proportional to the amount of success, but not always. We feel that being empathetic means being pathetic. On the contrary, we need bits of love from other people and from ourselves that resemble our childhood. We all need support, and we should not be reluctant to feel happy for ourselves.
In addition, Marshall Rosenberg, an expert on the topic of empathy shared his thoughts, by saying, "Time and again, people transcend the paralyzing effects of psychological pain when they have sufficient contact with someone who can hear them empathically." All in all, makes it even more clear that, as humans, we do need empathy, to show us that it is okay to fail. At the end of the day, it does not really matter whether we are receiving empathy from someone else, or we are letting ourselves feel it. It is all the same, because the main barrier is the one in our mind, barring ourselves from feeling good for what we have done. Once we overcome the fear of failing, we can then work hard to achieve our goals.
As a tennis player myself, I also know what it feels like to be afraid of failing. When we overcome this fear, we can achieve our goals. With this fear baring down on me like the current Singapore haze, I feel more and more nervous, and eventually do not end up achieving the goal.
So, next time you come across failure in your life, accept it with open arms. Remember that accepting failure is the first step in improving. When we go straight to our mistakes, we often feel very disappointed, alone and without support. On the other hand, if we feel content with what we have done, we learn that we have not failed so much after all. We know that we can improve, however we end up climbing a hill, not a mountain. This empathetic feeling closes the gap between you and the goal, where you want to be. So, when you lose that tennis match, ask yourself, “Was it really that bad? What did I do well? Although, I lost, how did I win?” This creates the positive mindset that is essential when it comes to learning from your mistakes. The common understanding we all need to grasp is that we should feel content with our hard work and at the same time know we will have room to improve. Only then, we can gain from our failures.
And if nothing else works? I am sure that you can buy a Magic 8 Ball that tells you what to do upon shaking.
Yes. This boy just lost the biggest tennis match of his life.
In life, we all deal with failures. When we do, we start to realise that we have two main options when dealing with failure. Firstly, we can blame lack of hard work and lack of time and energy put in striving for the result. The flip side of this would be feeling good that you tried, thinking the outcome was inevitable. Just as the tennis player sat in confusion in the locker room, we all seem to have a similar epiphany. As a community, we all deal with failure at some point, however, there is a fine line between whether we should be happy with our hard work, or feel that the result is due to lack of hard work.
Our community as a whole makes it clear that we have one main belief when it comes to the topic- that hard work should be the backbone of all of our successes, and when we fail, it is due to lack of hard work. One example of this comes from a school survey that was conducted. When given 2 scenarios of failure, both in sports and at school, 87% of the time international school students would not have been satisfied with how hard they tried, instead believing that lack of enough hard work was all to blame. In addition, when talking to Aryan Bhargava, a student at United World College who has dealt with failure, he commented, “Hard work takes you to where you need.” When asked if there should be a mix between these two concepts of hard work and being happy that you tried, he responded, saying, “I don’t think so. You really do have to work for it.” Underlying these words is the belief that hard work is the only option. The belief that success stems from only hard work in general. We seem to think that we are machines. That the amount of hard work is proportional to our successes.
On the other hand, the lack of feeling empathetic for ourselves does not take away from the need for it. Peter Bregman, an award winning author for the Harvard Business Review, used his daughter’s experience to show that we need to be empathetic for ourselves. After coming home from a swimming race in which she was disqualified from, Bregman talks about how Mimi sobbed for hours on end, unable to be comforted by her parents. Bregman later described how only the grandmother was able to comfort her by showing empathy, telling her that in the end failing may have been inevitable. At the end of the article, Bregman concluded by saying, “The learning, the avoidance of future failures - only comes when they feel okay with failing. And that feeling comes from empathy.”
This offers evidence that we are not machines. Our hard work is usually proportional to the amount of success, but not always. We feel that being empathetic means being pathetic. On the contrary, we need bits of love from other people and from ourselves that resemble our childhood. We all need support, and we should not be reluctant to feel happy for ourselves.
In addition, Marshall Rosenberg, an expert on the topic of empathy shared his thoughts, by saying, "Time and again, people transcend the paralyzing effects of psychological pain when they have sufficient contact with someone who can hear them empathically." All in all, makes it even more clear that, as humans, we do need empathy, to show us that it is okay to fail. At the end of the day, it does not really matter whether we are receiving empathy from someone else, or we are letting ourselves feel it. It is all the same, because the main barrier is the one in our mind, barring ourselves from feeling good for what we have done. Once we overcome the fear of failing, we can then work hard to achieve our goals.
As a tennis player myself, I also know what it feels like to be afraid of failing. When we overcome this fear, we can achieve our goals. With this fear baring down on me like the current Singapore haze, I feel more and more nervous, and eventually do not end up achieving the goal.
So, next time you come across failure in your life, accept it with open arms. Remember that accepting failure is the first step in improving. When we go straight to our mistakes, we often feel very disappointed, alone and without support. On the other hand, if we feel content with what we have done, we learn that we have not failed so much after all. We know that we can improve, however we end up climbing a hill, not a mountain. This empathetic feeling closes the gap between you and the goal, where you want to be. So, when you lose that tennis match, ask yourself, “Was it really that bad? What did I do well? Although, I lost, how did I win?” This creates the positive mindset that is essential when it comes to learning from your mistakes. The common understanding we all need to grasp is that we should feel content with our hard work and at the same time know we will have room to improve. Only then, we can gain from our failures.
And if nothing else works? I am sure that you can buy a Magic 8 Ball that tells you what to do upon shaking.
Rosenberg, Marshall. "Benefits of Empathy Articles and Links." Benefits of Empathy Articles and Links. Center for Building a Culture of Empathy, n.d. Web. 24 Nov. 2015.
Bregman, Peter. "The Right Way to Respond to Failure." Harvard Business Review. Harvard Business School, 10 Mar. 2011. Web. 24 Nov. 2015.
Bhargava, Aryan. "What Do You Value in Terms of Hard Work?" Telephone interview. 15 Nov. 2015.
Bregman, Peter. "The Right Way to Respond to Failure." Harvard Business Review. Harvard Business School, 10 Mar. 2011. Web. 24 Nov. 2015.
Bhargava, Aryan. "What Do You Value in Terms of Hard Work?" Telephone interview. 15 Nov. 2015.
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Outbreak At Mumbai Airport Baggage Claim
It’s not often that you see two women fighting in the middle of a baggage claim belt, over a piece of luggage.
On October 10th, 2015, two women started fighting at Mumbai Airport after one accidentally hit another with her bag, creating a massive havoc in the airport. This was after a 5-hour long flight to Mumbai from Singapore.
As the box rolled along to reach its owner, a lady picked up her box, hitting another woman standing next to her while trying to load the large box onto her luggage cart.
As if she had been punched, the woman feel over, screaming with grief, as many heads turned their way. Once getting up, she firmly commented, “I am being careful, so why aren’t you?”
After suggesting that she should have asked for help, the other woman responded saying, “I didn’t need help, it was a very light box!” The injured lady then went on to show her friends and relatives nearby her many injuries from the incident.
Spectators nearby ignored the argument, however watched with intent to see if it would escalate. Fortunately it did not, and the two women went on to collect their pieces of luggage and depart from the airport.
This drama seems to beg the question that, are baggage belts safe? This light box caused an injury, so what would the injuries be like with a bigger box? With bigger populations of people coming off flights and crowded around one belt, there seems to be a high potential for injury.
In other places, there have been instances as well where the issue has occurred. With bigger bags, people have swung them off the belt in a rush to make sure it comes off in time, hitting other people nearby in the process.
We usually think of weapons as the greatest things that hurt us, but increasing populations may have us thinking otherwise.
On October 10th, 2015, two women started fighting at Mumbai Airport after one accidentally hit another with her bag, creating a massive havoc in the airport. This was after a 5-hour long flight to Mumbai from Singapore.
As the box rolled along to reach its owner, a lady picked up her box, hitting another woman standing next to her while trying to load the large box onto her luggage cart.
As if she had been punched, the woman feel over, screaming with grief, as many heads turned their way. Once getting up, she firmly commented, “I am being careful, so why aren’t you?”
After suggesting that she should have asked for help, the other woman responded saying, “I didn’t need help, it was a very light box!” The injured lady then went on to show her friends and relatives nearby her many injuries from the incident.
Spectators nearby ignored the argument, however watched with intent to see if it would escalate. Fortunately it did not, and the two women went on to collect their pieces of luggage and depart from the airport.
This drama seems to beg the question that, are baggage belts safe? This light box caused an injury, so what would the injuries be like with a bigger box? With bigger populations of people coming off flights and crowded around one belt, there seems to be a high potential for injury.
In other places, there have been instances as well where the issue has occurred. With bigger bags, people have swung them off the belt in a rush to make sure it comes off in time, hitting other people nearby in the process.
We usually think of weapons as the greatest things that hurt us, but increasing populations may have us thinking otherwise.
By Om
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